


In Retrospect

by suzyjuuzou



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, I hurt my heart writing this, Tokyo Ghoul Spoilers, don't get that idea, follows the anime more than the manga, not Shinohara/Suzuya, please don't get that idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 21:49:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3585267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzyjuuzou/pseuds/suzyjuuzou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the entirety of his life, Juuzou has felt nothing. He can't feel pain and has little concept of human emotion; however, after the incapacitation of his partner, Shinohara, he's left a bit shaken up. Juuzou begins thinking back on his time with Shinohara and realizes that maybe he feels a little more than he previously realized.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Retrospect

It started with Juuzou leaning back against the bathroom door for support, white knuckles clutching his chest for dear life. The hospital gown he wore twisted furiously in his grasp. Then there were stuttered breaths and desperate gasps. This was quickly followed by one tear, and then another, until there was no chance of being able to single out each individual tear in order to count them. Juuzou slid down the door until he was on his knee, hunching over onto wobbly fingertips. His crutches clattered to the floor. The shaking digits couldn't support his weight, though, and he fell to equally wobbly elbows. Juuzou's leg ached where his calf should be, but it was dull in comparison to the ache within his chest. 

He went to whisper a name, but a heart wrenching sob replaced it. Unused to this sort of pain and grief, Juuzou was exceptionally susceptible to its wrath. His thoughts were stark and hazy, a mere jumble of small phrases he'd managed to remember in the clouded wake of a dear friend's passing. 

_Like a son to him. I hope to have a drink with you someday. Sad if you died._

"Like a son to him...?" Juuzou whispered to himself. "What was he to us, Rei?" 

Sighing deeply, he thought hard. Juuzou never knew his father, but when he thought of what a father is supposed to be, Shinohara fit the profile. He cheered him up when sad, protected him, and accepted him unconditionally. If he felt the urge to ask, he's sure Shinohara would have said that he loved Juuzou. 

Juuzou was unsure of how to feel, and how to react. His tears stopped, but he continued leaning on the floor and trying to steady his erratic heartbeat. "I don't like this feeling."

He sat up quickly, slamming his head and back against the door, and didn't even flinch at the loud noise or pain that occurred as a result. He stared at his hands.

After Shinohara told him that he would be sad if he died, something inside of him began to change.

When the One-Eyed Owl moved to kill him, he actually flinched. Juuzou realized in that moment that he did care whether he lived or died. He realized he needed to stay alive because he now had something to live for. And when Shinohara blocked him from a possible fatal blow by the One-Eyed Owl and collapsed at his side, he realized that _something_ was actually Shinohara himself. 

For the first time in his life, Juuzou had a person worth staying for. He had a real family, even if it was just one person. That didn't matter to Juuzou, though, because Shinohara's kindness and support was more than enough in comparison to the affection he had been given previously in his life. He could say with certainty that he had someone he cared for that cared back. There was someone to miss him when he was gone and pick him up when he was sad. 

One last tear cascaded from Juuzou's cheek as he smiled in a sad sort of way. "Like a son to you, huh?" He asked in a rhetorical manner. 

"Shinohara-san... I'd be sad if you died, too."


End file.
